The Family Also Needs to Prepare to Go

Preparing the family of a missionary candidate begins with recognizing a simple but often forgotten truth: the call is never lived out individually, even when it seems directed at only one member of the couple or family. The missionary couple forms the most sensitive and decisive relational foundation for the sustainability of the work, and in many cases that relationship matters more than any technical or theological competence the candidate possesses individually. Aligning responsibilities within the couple, setting shared goals, and managing available time are challenges that call for intentional preparation, not improvised solutions after a crisis has already taken hold on the field.

Marital communication needs to be strengthened before departure, not only after the first crisis faced far from home. Paul presents Christ's love for the church as the model for marital love: “Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph 5:25). That pattern of self-giving must already be present in the couple's life before the mission field intensifies the pressures on their relationship. A healthy marriage is not a dispensable luxury for ministry. It is an essential part of its stability, and of the very testimony the couple offers to those who watch their life and work.

Children, for their part, experience change very differently from adults. They process these experiences mainly through emotions and daily life, not through the abstract reasoning parents often use to explain the decision to go. For this reason, treating the move as a shared family project, rather than an already-made decision that merely needs to be announced, strengthens children's trust and reduces the sense of imposition that many of them silently carry. Matters related to education and emotional preparation also need to be planned before departure, rather than being worked out on the fly on the field, when the family is already juggling adaptation, distance, and the other demands of ministry.

Responsibilities toward the extended family also need to be taken seriously. Aging parents, dependent relatives, and unresolved practical matters continue to require attention, even when the calling takes the family far away. Geographic distance does not erase these responsibilities. Paul states that whoever does not provide for his own, and especially for members of his household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Tim 5:8). Honoring aging parents and settling practical matters before departure, then, does not signal a lack of faith or weaken one's commitment to the call. On the contrary, it is an expression of Christian maturity.

If you are married and considering a missionary call, talk with your spouse about how you imagine dividing, in practice, the responsibilities of a future shared ministry. Do not stop at general principles. Talk about concrete, everyday decisions, about what each of you expects from the other, and about the challenges you can already foresee. This very week, have an honest conversation about something you have been avoiding addressing directly. And if you have children, talk with them about a recent change the family has been through and ask how they really felt. Children should not carry the weight of representing the mission. They need room to simply be children, even as part of a family called to serve far from home.